A Joke a Day Keeps the Doctor Away
- Thread starter kiri.de.carlos
- Start date
kiri.de.carlos
Well-Known Member
For sale: parachute. Only used once, never opened.
AtheistPreacher
Well-Known Member
A girl is on an airplane with her mother and asks her, "If big dogs have little dogs, and big cats have little cats, then why don't big planes have little planes?"
The mother smiles and tells her daughter to ask the stewardess. The stewardess comes over, and the the little girl asks her the same question.
The stewardess smiles, then says "Because Southwest Airlines pulls out on time, every time!"
The mother smiles and tells her daughter to ask the stewardess. The stewardess comes over, and the the little girl asks her the same question.
The stewardess smiles, then says "Because Southwest Airlines pulls out on time, every time!"
AtheistPreacher
Well-Known Member
What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung?
The guardians of the galaxy.
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say "Bach bach bach!"
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He sipped his coffee before it was cool!
The guardians of the galaxy.
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say "Bach bach bach!"
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He sipped his coffee before it was cool!
I went to the store the other day, and was there for only about five minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.
So I went up to him and said, “Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?” He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a pencil-necked geek. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for my having worn tires!
So I called him a piece of horse doo doo. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Heck- I didn’t care! My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day. It’s important.
So I went up to him and said, “Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?” He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a pencil-necked geek. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for my having worn tires!
So I called him a piece of horse doo doo. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Heck- I didn’t care! My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day. It’s important.
Salesman extraordinaire
‘Now many customers did you serve today?” the manager asked a new salesman.
“One.”
“Only one.”
“How much was the sale?”
“$58, 334.00”
Flabbergasted the manager asked him to explain.
The boy said, “First I sold the man a fishhook. Then I sold him a rod and a reel.
Then I asked him where he was planning to fish, and he replied down the coast. So I suggested he’d need a boat — he bought that six—meter motor boat. When he said his car might not be able to pull it, I took him to the auto department and sold him a big
vehicle.”
The amazed boss asked, “You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fishhook?”
“No,” the salesman replied. “He actually came in for a bottle of aspirin for his wife’s migraine. I told him, ‘Your weekend’s shot. You should probably go fishing.’”
‘Now many customers did you serve today?” the manager asked a new salesman.
“One.”
“Only one.”
“How much was the sale?”
“$58, 334.00”
Flabbergasted the manager asked him to explain.
The boy said, “First I sold the man a fishhook. Then I sold him a rod and a reel.
Then I asked him where he was planning to fish, and he replied down the coast. So I suggested he’d need a boat — he bought that six—meter motor boat. When he said his car might not be able to pull it, I took him to the auto department and sold him a big
vehicle.”
The amazed boss asked, “You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fishhook?”
“No,” the salesman replied. “He actually came in for a bottle of aspirin for his wife’s migraine. I told him, ‘Your weekend’s shot. You should probably go fishing.’”
The efficiency expert
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You don’t want to try these techniques at home.”
“Why not?” asked someone from the back of the audience.
“I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. ‘Hon,’ I suggested, ‘Why don’t you try carrying several things at once?”
The voice from the back asked, “Did it save time?”
The expert replied, “Actually, yes. It used to take her twenty minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven.”
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You don’t want to try these techniques at home.”
“Why not?” asked someone from the back of the audience.
“I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. ‘Hon,’ I suggested, ‘Why don’t you try carrying several things at once?”
The voice from the back asked, “Did it save time?”
The expert replied, “Actually, yes. It used to take her twenty minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven.”
kiri.de.carlos
Well-Known Member
Yo mama so fat she walked in front of the tv, I missed 3 episodes.
Happy mother's day!
Happy mother's day!
A guy hooks up with a hot chick at a bar.
They go back to her place and things start getting hot.
As they really get going the guy notices that she's really dry and even a little rough down below.
Eventually he has to say something to her. She tells him to hold on a minute and goes into the bathroom.
She comes out shortly after and to his delight everything is slick and moist and enjoyable.
Once they were finished he asks her what she did to make things so much better. She responds, "I pulled off the scab."
They go back to her place and things start getting hot.
As they really get going the guy notices that she's really dry and even a little rough down below.
Eventually he has to say something to her. She tells him to hold on a minute and goes into the bathroom.
She comes out shortly after and to his delight everything is slick and moist and enjoyable.
Once they were finished he asks her what she did to make things so much better. She responds, "I pulled off the scab."
Cappy_Smurf
Well-Known Member
Ewww.....
Cappy_Smurf
Well-Known Member
What's red and blue and has a string?
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Smurfette during a visit from her aunt flo.
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Smurfette during a visit from her aunt flo.
Cappy_Smurf
Well-Known Member
Lol, did you get warned or something?
Yeah, he felt like my gross joke was gross.
Cappy_Smurf
Well-Known Member
Smurfin' navy guys gots no class.
RandyForRubio
Well-Known Member
It was gross. Still wouldn't neg you for it.
